FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT AND HEART ATTACKS

November 1, 2012

I was told to go to the hospital ASAP. My eye doctor had just examined me and told me that my eye wasn’t just in danger of losing all its eyesight but losing the eye as well. The tumor had aggressively grown larger. I was admitted June 25, 2014.

My husband, daughter and I went in through the emergency room that morning and one glance at my eye by the hospital nurses and doctors put me right in to exam rooms where they proceeded with their tests and questions.

The emergency doctor had two eye professionals come look and examine my eyes and had a CT scan which revealed the tumor was over two inches, then came the CT scan of my body which revealed the other tumors in my abdomen and chest. I had already been admitted by then before all the results.

I had become an attraction to a lot of doctors because of my eye and that was just the medical surface of problems. They gave me pain meds and for the first time in months the pain of my eye subsided.  The tumor was encased in it own self behind my eye pushing outwards and not in my brain as was their fears.  PRAISE GOD and THANK YOU JESUS.

I was given two units of blood because my blood level was a six and should be in a range of 12-14. Pretty sick kid and really didn’t realize it. The teams of doctors started pouring in, there were the hospital primary team, the oncology team and also this is a teaching hospital consisting of the USF medical college and Moffitt cancer center at Tampa General.

More tests ensued, bloodwork, CT scans, biopsy,spinal taps, echocardiograms.  The doctors thought that the Lymphoma had become aggressive  and changed types and was preparing a plan of R-CHOP (rituxan plus chemos.)

Here was the news that my heart was perfect,  I had acute kidney injury, thyroid tumors swelling had pushed my trachea to the side, the huge eye tumor, other tumors through out and then the primary doctor comes and tells me about the one in my chest, I said to him what the size of a baseball and he replied, no much larger around my heart. That temporarily blowed the wind out of my sails.

I BELIEVED GOD.  My eye started to shrink on its own (THE HAND OF GOD) and the doctors noticed and they would ask and I would reply JESUS. I got a copy of my medical report and three times the different doctors would say the patient believes GOD IS HEALING HER. No that wasn’t right, I know GOD was healing me.

I started the rituxan on Sunday night the 29th of June, my daughter was there. The warnings were maybe a rash or hives. The medicine started at 25 for two hours then fifty, then another hour 75.  I suddenly started having chills, and asked for blankets then my heart rate started tacking up to 189 to 120 then jumping back up, I had a fever from 99-102 to 99 again and back to 102. and I couldn’t talk my heart felt like it was coming out of my chest and I was holding it in, My daughter said to the nurse  to turn it off, and she said she had to call the doctor , my little girl said either you do it now or I will do it. The nurse turned it off and asked if she should call the emergency response team and my daughter said you better.

My daughter grabbed my face and said look at me, talk to me, MOM. It took everything in me to say I’m okay.  I couldn’t loudly pray and run off every devil in hell, but I quietly whispered the name JESUS as I held onto my heart and it was enough.

I kept drifting in and out and would see a whole team of nurses watching my husband and daughter cooling me with ice packs. The heart monitor on my chest had failed that night but the blood pressure cuff and heart rate and temp gauge worked. The ekg tacked. I heard one of the nurses say when the rate returns to normal, we will restart, everything internally screamed please no. My daughter again like a lion spoke up and said not tonight. They took the rituxan and refrigerated it.  During the time that I wasn’t fully present, I would flash back to the time that my daughter needed me to tell her that I would make it through months before and I wasn’t going to quit. I told her cancer wasn’t going to kill me and I had a purpose(race) to finish here on earth to fulfill the plan of GOD in my life.  I knew what it was like to lose someone suddenly and was not about to let that happen to her.  Her and my husband fought a battle that night, it was more spiritual  and then physical. The devil no doubt was trying his best to kill me. MY husband and daughter kept praying and holding on to GOD’S WORD, they stood.

When I finally returned to normal, my daughter went to the bathroom with me and said, I feel like this was a spiritual battle mom. I said I know it was, she said satan can’t have your heart because JESUS LIVES THERE. But he tried to hurt you. I told her that I believed that tumor was gone now and it had broke off or tore off from my heart.

The next couple days of taking my blood ,it was shown it was indeed a heart attack. I had to overcome the effects of lack of oxygen and heart congestion and we (me & JESUS) did.

I had a pet scan in September and it said all tumors are gone. I believe the big one that was in my chest was ripped off that night in June and THE LORD said ” what was meant for my harm, HE will turn it for our good.”

ALWAYS HOPE

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PART OF THE FAMILY/ DRIVEN BY THE HEART

This week has been sad, part of the family might be a dog, cat, horse, but in our case it was a cow.  Her name was Blossom.

She was bought as a young heifer with registered papers and my daughter now thirty-one has shown her in variety of shows and some of her off-spring. Her bull calf grew up and became the state champion two years running not just in the youth shows but the open which means the big cattle ranches.

I not bragging but this showing circuit took a family effort of my husband and kids, everyone had jobs.  Blossom required shampooing,blow drying and haircuts, styling. She liked petting, eating  and nuzzling and when she calved, they received the same type of pampering. Blossom show days had ended so many years ago. But we couldn’t ever get rid of her just because she was old.

This last year had shown the things of age but we kept her up close so she had the extra attention to maintain her frame.

I dont’t let my family see my soft side towards animals and this one day probably wasn’t one of my better, I talked to old Blossom and told her I knew how she felt, everyone not expecting any better than she could give, weak and losing weight but willing to keep trying, as I sat there she took her soft velvet nose and rubbed my cheek and I just held her head like saying a good-bye from me and the compassion she showed me, and I am sure various member of the family had their own talk with her behind the barn.

About a month later Blossom had started to look pretty good. This past Sunday, my husband went to feed up but after all was fed, he took the curry comb and brush  and brushed her a while, He said she just loved having done as much as he loved doing it, although he didn’t say it , I know he had one of those talks with our special family that was in all of our hearts. 

The next morning she was gone, no struggle or lingering on carrying each secret or emotion  with her told by the different family members. Good-bye ole friend.  ALWAYS HOPE.

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MIRACLES ARE WAITING FOR YOU

Tomorrow marks a great miracle that happened eleven years ago, just like then it falls on the first Friday and the sixth of December 2002.

My  grandmother Ida Munroe had flew in from Georgia, she had got pneumonia, probably from the plane ride and after a couple days had to be hospitalized in Brandon Regional Hospital. Grandma was ninety-two years young when this took place. 

My grandmother and I have always been very close, I use to love spending the night at her house when I was little, we would say our prayers together then she would tuck me in bed and the fresh crispness of the sheets and the weight of the handmade quilt from her mother’s hands felt so good. I can remember her telling me that If I asked GOD to heal me, that He would, when I was supposed to have my tonsils removed. We prayed that and the next morning I was well and that surgery was cancelled, never to be bothered by tonsillitis again. I just believed.

Now sitting in the hospital a couple days and grandma being treated with antibiotics, I asked the doctor what her condition was, he replied and told me critical, not words I expected and he said because of her age. I called a close friend to pray, not to pity but pray. I went home that night and the next morning was troubled in my spirit.  My husband could tell that I felt something but I told him it will be fine.  My husband had to help build a fence with another guy that day but instructed me to call if I needed him. My daughter Katie was meeting me at the hospital cause she had to go to work later that afternoon.

I plead THE BLOOD OF JESUS over this day and Today is a day of a miracle I declared out of my mouth before exiting my vehicle in the parking garage at the hospital. Katie was there and we walked in my grandmother’s room. She was sitting up and had ate almost all her breakfast. She was smiling and happy and the picture of health completely different than the day before, I thought Praise The Lord, I had received my miracle. Her breathing was clear. I felt so blessed and happy.

About ten months before in the ag barn at the state fair, where my kids were showing cattle, I had met this women, who had a daughter showing and her name is Claudia, we instantly hit it off talking about the goodness of GOD to sustain us through life, I shared how the doctor was scheduling a gallbladder surgery recently for me  but I was healed and didn’t have to have that surgery.  Claudia turned out to be the head nurse of the unit my grandmother was in , talk about GOD putting together people months before for a specific purpose.

Katie and I left and ate an early lunch together, she went on to work and I came back to the hospital. My mom, sister and her husband and my niece  and nephew were visiting and left after I came back.  There was something not right but it was nothing you could see, I told my grandmother to rest, I was going to get a soda, I waited in the hallway where I could still see my grandma but she couldn’t see me, Claudia office was diagonally across from grandma’s room; Claudia come to me and I told her something wasn’t right, she replied that she wasn’t her nurse but she would check her out, she immediately called the doctor, his name was Chris Nussbaum, he looked her over and initially thought she was maybe an old senile lady but I said no she was articulate and a sound mind as things worsen, which Claudia told him the same. She started to thrash in the bed and the doctor said it might be an aneurism to send her down for a cat scan immediately and walked out. The nurses was prepping her to go for the tests and was trying to change out her I.V. bag and she kept moving back and forth, I went from the foot of the bed and said grandma look at me, she did and died right there. 

Code Blue over the intercom and people poured in and rushed me out, Claudia sat me down in her office and said we will pray. I told her go be in that room with her as tears poured out. She went and I was praying and another nurse come in and asked if she could get me anything, I said no, I gotta keep praying, she grabbed my hands and prayed with me, at one point she verbally started praying, GOD had sent me a Martha.  Suddenly I looked up and said to Martha, it is all okay now as the tears dried up, everything is fine. Dr. Nussbaum walked in and said we tried everything to resuscitate  her, nothing worked but you are the only family member here so you have to decide if we intubate her but it won’t work because its been too long. I said you don’t do another thing but let me go pray over her now. He said okay, I followed behind him across the hallway and he announced “As the attending physician, stand down, Those that can leave, leave now , the rest stand by to do your duty, let the grand-daughter go to the grandmother.” He had to tell them again to let the granddaughter go to the grandmother.” This time a pathway opened up by the foot of the bed and the doctor left to write up that grandma had died. No one else left that room, there was at least fifteen people standing there as I walked through to my left of the bed. One eye was opened and the other eye closed , all monitors said she was gone, but GOD told me different.

I  said grandma, I love you and need you as I approached the bed. I put my left hand on her head and my right hand on her chest and said I PLEAD THE BLOOD, as I prayed I rebuked satan for what he was trying to do and PRAISED THE LORD for what HE was doing. This was my sacrifice of praise when death was there I could praise. My hand started to move up and down, the person on the right behind me said , i have a pulse , the one on the left behind me shouts I have one too. All monitors pick up in a perfect rhythm  and Dr. Nussbaum walks back in and says what is going on, someone replies the patient is breathing on her own, which means they have to treat her, I am put outside again and sit down on the doctor’s chair where they use to write orders on the patients file outside of her door. I am singing HIS GLORY IS HERE.  

A nurse who knew that my grandmother had died, thought I was in shock and hugged me and said look honey she was old , you got to let her go. I said no she is fine go ask someone, she asked and didn’t come back near me. They took that ninety-two year old women to intensive care and had to sedate her because she wanted out of there. They run every test to see why and how this had happened. After a couple days she was returned to a regular room. A nurse told about the nursing convention in Tampa and grandma was the topic of conversation.

They asked grandma if she seen anything and she told all about heaven. Someone asked if someone sent her back and she said I guess you could say that. We asked the doctor how long she was dead and he said twenty-two minutes. They say it is impossible not to have brain damage after three to four minutes of no oxygen. She didn’t and returned to herself of riding in sporty red mustangs and mitsubishi’s 3000 with my daughters and living life. She lived another three good years.

That night of the day of my miracle my daughter Kelley and her husband was walking out of the hospital behind me, It was cold and crisp and Christmas tree smells were around and I said ” It smells like God out here.” Kelley asked what do you mean?  I said this is the same smell that came in the hospital room when grandma came back. I have heard some people say roses other say other smells, but for me it is a cool crisp clean smell. I also walked away knowing that no-one loves you like THE LORD. THERE IS NO GREATER LOVE.

ALWAYS HOPE

 

 

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HOLD ON TIGHT AS WE RIDE OUT THIS STORM

Life is like the terrain that we encounter, some smooth, stony, green or treacherous. This is for the spouses that are on that ride with us, the importance of their role.

The first part of this story begins with my youngest daughter and her spouse when  my beautiful granddaughter was five months old, she had became ill and even though she had went to the children’s doctor that pronounced her as having a cold, I knew she was very sick, she went to children’s urgent care and was immediately hospitalized and put on oxygen for breathing.  During that time both parents were at my granddaughter’s  bedside as she lay in that crib, they knew their strength  was needed together as they prayed and heard any news to get through this; they shared with us everything that was going on but I can imagine as a parent the hurdles that they had to overcome, things like fear or the report of her situation, not be able to breathe without help or the breathing treatments or the helplessness of a very sick little girl. They prayed over that child many times as well as calling upon others to be praying until she was well and to this day pray with my granddaughter who is now eight years old and loves JESUS so much. Its true they had immense family support but there is nothing compared to your spouse as you fight life’s battles to be in agreement with you and has the same concerns and knows exactly how you feel and loves someone with every fiber of their being as you do, knowing they too are going through that unimaginable pain that you feel.

The next story that I must tell is that of my oldest daughter, (only three years older than the other one).  My grandson was four years old and in VPK (preschool). He was sick but this was more subtle, His parents had taken him to the doctor and she said just a virus, after a few days he kept spiking high fevers and I would have to give him baths to cool the high temperatures, my daughter took him to the doctor and immediately put him in the hospital. He was so sick that even his little heart hurt because of all the infection in his little lungs, that required both parents to stay at the hospital. He required a couple surgeries and putting him to sleep to take some tests and it was bad news quite often. The doctor later revealed my grandson was within two days of dying had he not been diagnosed and hospitalized. Imagine my daughter as her son went limp as they administered the anesthesia and walk out to her husband to cry as their child underwent surgery to basically scoop out infection. She and her spouse had plenty of family but no one could relate to their personal feelings as each other plus they had a one year old staying with my son in laws parents and my husband and me. They would get one type of report and minutes later another. They too had each other to hold on and rely upon as they cried together and made decisions as the right things to do and hold up the other when they felt completely weak, and comfort my grandson as no one else could but the two of them. But they made it through that because of that support of each other, and the very real prescence of GOD helping them.

The third story is about my spouse of  thirty-six years. When  the cancer word (lymphoma) happened, it was a shock to all. First of I rarely was sick,  the hospital was for birthing my kids and i have this overcoming faith.  I had symptoms such as sharp pains but nothing I could put my finger on, but awful fatigue . Some months before a lengthy cold that I couldn’t really shake off.

We left the oncology office after the further tests had been done and it was hard to hear those words that were said, its strange that fear wasn’t part of my emotions but I did cry quite a bit and my husband did too. “I told him we are not going to be careful in living”.  My kids were told everything that we knew, but there have been things that they haven’t been told until now as they read this. I am sure they understand as I am sure there were emotions shared just with their spouses too.

My husband would wake up early morning hours, say like two in the morning and find me with my bible reading and tears streaming down my cheek, I would look up and say I am okay and he would comfort me. When signs of this disease started to show up on my face with a swollen cheek that looked like it was stuffed with marbles, he would lay hands on it and pray for me endless times, He felt my pain because I felt it. He prayed to GOD and told him I had enough and went through the times when I didn’t want to talk about it and  sometimes I did vent.  He knows that I have not one doubt but get ticked at myself when I am too tired suddenly and don’t seem to accomplish what I would have liked to have got done. He has heard me at night when I have had trouble breathing and endured the blasting cold air at night when I kick off all covers and he shivers to get under the blankets just so I can breathe.

I cried at first because I was broken, and I needed the comfort  of GOD and him to fix what was unfixable by man but together with my spouse and GOD we are coming through this, my husband has gave great  support and cooked many meals when I felt unwell and did house chores that I couldn’t at times. The one thing that I want you to see in all three stories, it is not the fact of each one got through because we had spouses but because each one had LOVE TO GET THROUGH IT. The Bible tells us that love cannot fail, it cast out all fear so with LOVE we win. 

ALWAYS HOPE

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SACRIFICE OF PRAISE

It might seem like you are losing in the natural, but that is what you see, but know FAITH is setting up your victory.

I told you already about the mass behind my right eye, but what I haven’t told you is the other symptoms. It seems like non-hodgkins lymphoma has a habit of making tumors all over the place, interfering  with normal things like breathing. I have swollen places on my throat closing some of my natural airway, my thyroid causing me to keep water in my hand so not to cough or clear my throat, a intermittent pain on my left side of back in my lung area that bring on a morning sickness nausea.

I can handle all the above but about three weeks ago at night I had a rough week . It felt like I couldn’t get any air in my lungs particularly at night, I would get up and turn the air very cold on me and read THE WORD, and sip ice water or ginger ale until it passed.  That Sunday we went to our cowboy church, which is in a barn, and I was sitting on the second row with my husband and friends. I usually sit closer to the back but not that day. Our pastor trains horses and uses that to show how we are with GOD, (REBELLION, STUBBORNESS, Yielding) and then shares (preaches) out of THE BIBLE when he steps out of the round pen, (my favorite part).  He was still training the horse and I could feel that I couldn’t breathe, one of those insidIous tumors was choking off my air to my lungs, I could breathe in but no air was reaching down into my lungs.

I was watching Skipper with the horse , and had to make a decision what to do, if I got up would I make it to the truck before I lost consciousness, didn’t think I could, tell my husband and friends, what could they do and then I started to black out ,the song started playing Its a miracle, and that is what I needed. I rested my hands turned up with hand open and said to the LORD , JESUS  I NEED A MIRACLE NOW, but I choose to Praise  YOU WITH MY LAST BREATH,  instantly I could feel my air returning and after the service I got up like nothing even had happened, watched the baptisms afterwards and I told my friends what had happened later.

The point is I know without any doubt that no matter what, if I think that my last bit of air is near, that I won’t struggle but will say PRAISE THE LORD in this life and step into GLORIOUS PRAISE of MY KING.

I told you before that cancer will not win and take me out although it tries. Psalm 27:6 ” And now shall my head be lifted up above mine enemies (cancer) round about me: therefore  will I offer in his tabernacle Sacrifices of joy: I will sing , yea PRAISES unto THE LORD.”

What that means no matter how dire the situation, Praises activates miracles. It brings the direct action of GOD into the situation.  I have one assurance, it is not doctors, latest medical protocols  or  medicines or even mankind for all will fail you but   THE NAME OF JESUS never will.  I am doing fine, it was just a temporary glitch, now onto better things.

ALWAYS HOPE

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CHILD LIKE FAITH

The greatest Faith Giants are those that are truly humble or as Jesus said in “Matthew 18: 4  Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven”.  That is why I love to listen as the little children pray.

They are talking directly to GOD, thanking him for their food or whatever they might be praying for like getting well or their mommy, daddy ,brother or sister, in short , they believe what they pray and what Jesus said. The same thing about adult baby Christians, they are not contaminated by religious traditions or lack of believing, to the contrary they just took a major step of Faith when they decided to ask and accept Jesus into their heart. The fiery passion that they want to learn is just like a child.

I  recently have to talk to two of my grandchildren ages six and nine about my situation, hoping not to ever have that discussion, they had seen my cheek swell enormously  and then go down but now my right eye had grew quite large, and my precious six year old said “Ma, Your eye on that side is big.” I tried to make a joke and they laughed, instantly I realized that I needed to have the talk of what has happened and the chance of them using their faith with mine. I told them to never laugh at someone who hurts, “Both of them replied heartbroken,  you didn’t tell us you hurt”

I didn’t go into the exact prognosis but I explained that there was a tumor behind my eye and that is what had been making my eye larger and hurt sometime. I said that remember my cheek when it was big, and now it isn’t was because of a tumor in my jaw that I called a lump that was hard and let their little hands feel it, that is what behind that eye. But you know Jesus will heal me just like that, which they readily agreed.  Little blue eyes piped up and said, “I had double vision before I got my glasses, maybe that would help you too.” I said both of you pray for Jesus to heal Ma and lay your hands on my eye gently and pray for Ma to be all better. My grandchildren have been brought up that way, whenever someone is sick or hurt, we lay hands on them and believe Jesus heals them.

Both gently laid theirs hands on my head, eye and cheek saying the simplest most beautiful prayer any ear could ever hear and then came the most triumphant, victorious words ever heard by God or man.  “THANK-YOU JESUS for healing our Ma”

ALWAYS HOPE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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FEAR? NO WAY!

The worse enemy that everybody has encountered is fear. It brings up a lot of what-ifs this arises or happens and creates thoughts when talked about, adds fuel to a fire until it explodes in combustion. I refuse to make any decisions based on fear and more than likely will laugh at it, knowing where it comes from no matter how big or impossible  a situation looks like, I know where I can find my help.

I was raised on a cattle ranch,  with a wooden cow cane and tractors, and trucks, no horses but a mean little pony. I started really working about the age of six which entailed mixing grain and feeding the cattle, milking a cow and fencing with barb wire, pulling poisonous weeds such as night-shade and vaccinating calves and cows and worming the herds. I could grab a calf with that wooden cane in its crook, to doctor its needs in the pasture rather than take it to the cow -pens. 

That is why I understand the story of David as a shepherd boy and how he had courage against  the giant Goliath. The Lord had prepared him taking care of the sheep by defeating a lion and a bear that threatened them. Just imagine a one thousand momma cow on your case not understanding that you are taking care of that baby calf. She is trying to mow you down and you have to fight her off and protect the other guys working on that calf.

This brings me to a story about a bull that my dad had bought, this bull was probably about eighteen-hundred pounds, red with a white blaze down his face and hook horns, had a mean streak and probably was the devil’s brother. From the time that we got him, his sole mission in life was to get me, I was probably around fourteen then, about five foot four and one hundred and ten pounds with my brogan boots on me.

This bull was on another parcel of our ranch about two miles south of the homeplace. When we would load up and go to the lower place to feed or fix fence, that devil would come up and usually it was when we went through a georgia gap gateway, it was his mission to get me and” yes I was afraid” and would have to dive in the back of the truck.  My dad and brother, he didn’t seem to bother but I was his target.

My  Family was working the cows in the pens one day and we tried to cut him out of the cow pens, so he wouldn’t bother us working the other cattle, but he certainly didn’t want too, he had his own mission. I already had talked to my dad about getting rid of that mean thing and he wanted to keep him another couple months for the breeding season.

I was parting cattle and running them in the chute for their worming and vaccinations, and he come after me. I got behind a parting gate and he lifted off in the air like nothing, my dad and brothers tried to get him and his attention but nothing worked, I was face to face with my cane wielding it like a sword with all my might and knew that I had to get over that fence consisting of heavy woven wire, boards on the outside and a barb wire strand on top, nothing to climb and hard to get over but angels must have grabbed me by the seat of my britches as I dove over the top and my face landed next to the fence with the breath of Hell snorting at me, pure hatred was  in those eyes.

My dad decided it was time, so dad backed up the stock truck to the loading pen. I realized that the bull was like a bully attracted to my being scared and the smallest one. The efforts to get that crazy bull into the loading area was futile so I decided to bait him up, he wanted me to kill; and I wanted him gone hopefully in someone’s hamburger. Either way one of us was going and it wasn’t me.  I went up the chute into the truck and he come as predicted but this time I climbed out the top as my brother closed the gate behind him, and jumped down off the truck body. I said good-bye  with a smile never to fear again as I looked him in the eye. He tried to bang that truck body up before my dad started driving out to the market with him. 

Never fear,  cancer and other illnesses opens gateways for fear. I have looked at the swelling in my eye and think about thoughts that has to be put away, but just like David a mere shepherd boy fighting off a lion and a bear and remembering those victories, and knowing that I fought a huge bull like that face to face and overcome any fear I had, I look at my eye and any other symptoms and say this ain’t nothing, who dares defy the living armies of GOD.

I am walking out of this and looking forward to a bright future, full of the love of GOD, and no cancer.

ALWAYS HOPE

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